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Strange as it seems, it's already 2017. I know, it's been so long since I last updated this blog.. or any blogs that I have actually. I have no specific reasons as to why I haven't been writing, I just didn't feel like it. Oh, by the way, Happy New Year! A lot has happened since I last updated and I wish I could say that all of it was exciting, adventurous stuff but I can't. But I'll tell you about all the good and blessed things that took place in 2016.
First of, I moved back to London… which I assume some of you who follow me on my social medias you would already know (… and she writes as if she's a celebrity). The day I found out I was moving back to London, I didn't know what to feel. I always thought that if I were ever to move back, I would be the happiest person on Earth because I always thought London was home but when I found out, I literally bawled. Like an infant. For someone who has never had a proper place to call home, no real friendships that last for years, I finally found what I can call home in Malaysia. It's true what they say, home is not a place but rather a person.. or a feeling. It's kind of sad if you think about it but sometimes in order to be a better person or have a better life, you need to make sacrifices.
On the brighter side though, I have the chance to do my degree in London. For those who are wondering what course I am majoring in, it is Creative Writing and Journalism. I actually applied for a different course but time wasn't on my side back then so I just went with what I was offered. I was pretty happy anyway because at least I'll finally be studying on how to become an actual writer. I wasn't so keen on the journalism part, particularly because I have never wanted to become a journalist or even thought about having to do anything with journalism but hey, life works in mysterious ways and sometimes it's for the best. Who knows I might be the world's best journalist one day (not really but a girl can dream).
Though leaving home was hard, London has and will always be a part of me so all in all, I was or am content with this journey that I am currently on. So, unto a more sad story; I don't know why but it seems like every year, I will always fall out with someone. Sometimes more than one person and it is really sad because you thought - you hoped - that those people will always be in your life forever but you thought wrong. A new year's post for 2016, I wrote about spending time with two best people that I've ever known but as time goes by those same people somehow abandoned (?) no, abandon is too strong.. I would say forgotten me within one year and the funniest thing was, I always thought that they out of all the people in the world would never do such a thing but I guess I was wrong. I'm not going to lie, at first it felt like hell. Being slowly forgotten and then as the year proceed, more and more I was completely out of the picture. But that's the thing that hurt the most, it was just me. They still seem to be getting along just fine with each other; it was just me that they left behind.
Sometimes I wonder if somehow it was my fault, but every time I look back at it, I don't know what I did wrong. I am not writing this out of self pity, or that I want anyone to feel sorry for me but it has been a while since I last wrote anything in my blog so why not? From time to time, I endured the pain and thought to myself you know what? It's fine. Maybe they were all just busy and I mean I can't really blame them because everyone has a life of their own, so I let things go. But as the year goes by, the pain was just too much for me so I really decided to let them go. I mean it hurts seeing them together laughing and joking when I used to be in the picture.. It hurts seeing them act like nothing was wrong when they, out of all the people should know me and how I really am but I guess that's just it. Maybe in those three years of being "best friends", they never really knew me at all. Sometimes when I think back of all the things we went through, of all the times that I was there for them when no one else was, times when I was the only person who believed in them when no one did, was all those time and love worth it? Till this day, I'm still trying to figure it out if I'm honest.
I'm not one to bring things up, but I just wonder if it was worth; if they were worth it. Three years, a lot happened in those three years. For every birthdays, I always thought of how to make them happy. For every problem, I was always there to listen and carry the burden with them because that's what friends do. And funnily enough, I thought they were my friends too but jokes on me, huh? It took me a lot of courage to let them go because even though it was just a short period of time, for someone like me who constantly move around a lot, who constantly needs to make new friends, I really loved them. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for a friend. But I guess, Allah has better plans for me, for them and it's all been written down so there's no use to linger or stress over it. Whatever that happened was for the best and what's important right now is to keep moving forward and never look back.
On a more happier note though, old friendships rekindled, I am still in love with the same person, I started wearing the hijab and got myself closer to my creator, my Lord, my family is healthy and alive, and as am I. 2016 has been a year full of surprises and lessons - as all the previous years was - and overall, it was a damn good year. I am excited of what 2017 is going to bring to the table but whatever it is, I am ready. So my new year's resolution is this:
1) To become a better daughter, for my parents because they deserved nothing but the best.
2) To become a diligent, honoured student and prove to myself that I can do it.
3) To become a better lover, for my beloved; for he is ever so patient and kind and loving to me.
4) To become a better Muslim.
And last but not least, 5) to become a better person in general.
And here is to you, whatever it is that troubled you in 2016, leave it there. Whatever and whoever that made you unhappy, let them go no matter how hard it is. I promise you, better things are ahead. It's the new year and you have 363 days to create memories, go on adventures, discover new things, love more people and be happy. Even on days when you feel like the world is against you, just smile and count your blessings because there are others in this world that wish they have your life. If you are a Muslim, say alhamdulillah everyday because you are alive and if that's not enough to be happy about then I don't know what is.
Have a magical year ahead.
Love,
Haziqah.
Though leaving home was hard, London has and will always be a part of me so all in all, I was or am content with this journey that I am currently on. So, unto a more sad story; I don't know why but it seems like every year, I will always fall out with someone. Sometimes more than one person and it is really sad because you thought - you hoped - that those people will always be in your life forever but you thought wrong. A new year's post for 2016, I wrote about spending time with two best people that I've ever known but as time goes by those same people somehow abandoned (?) no, abandon is too strong.. I would say forgotten me within one year and the funniest thing was, I always thought that they out of all the people in the world would never do such a thing but I guess I was wrong. I'm not going to lie, at first it felt like hell. Being slowly forgotten and then as the year proceed, more and more I was completely out of the picture. But that's the thing that hurt the most, it was just me. They still seem to be getting along just fine with each other; it was just me that they left behind.
Sometimes I wonder if somehow it was my fault, but every time I look back at it, I don't know what I did wrong. I am not writing this out of self pity, or that I want anyone to feel sorry for me but it has been a while since I last wrote anything in my blog so why not? From time to time, I endured the pain and thought to myself you know what? It's fine. Maybe they were all just busy and I mean I can't really blame them because everyone has a life of their own, so I let things go. But as the year goes by, the pain was just too much for me so I really decided to let them go. I mean it hurts seeing them together laughing and joking when I used to be in the picture.. It hurts seeing them act like nothing was wrong when they, out of all the people should know me and how I really am but I guess that's just it. Maybe in those three years of being "best friends", they never really knew me at all. Sometimes when I think back of all the things we went through, of all the times that I was there for them when no one else was, times when I was the only person who believed in them when no one did, was all those time and love worth it? Till this day, I'm still trying to figure it out if I'm honest.
I'm not one to bring things up, but I just wonder if it was worth; if they were worth it. Three years, a lot happened in those three years. For every birthdays, I always thought of how to make them happy. For every problem, I was always there to listen and carry the burden with them because that's what friends do. And funnily enough, I thought they were my friends too but jokes on me, huh? It took me a lot of courage to let them go because even though it was just a short period of time, for someone like me who constantly move around a lot, who constantly needs to make new friends, I really loved them. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for a friend. But I guess, Allah has better plans for me, for them and it's all been written down so there's no use to linger or stress over it. Whatever that happened was for the best and what's important right now is to keep moving forward and never look back.
On a more happier note though, old friendships rekindled, I am still in love with the same person, I started wearing the hijab and got myself closer to my creator, my Lord, my family is healthy and alive, and as am I. 2016 has been a year full of surprises and lessons - as all the previous years was - and overall, it was a damn good year. I am excited of what 2017 is going to bring to the table but whatever it is, I am ready. So my new year's resolution is this:
1) To become a better daughter, for my parents because they deserved nothing but the best.
2) To become a diligent, honoured student and prove to myself that I can do it.
3) To become a better lover, for my beloved; for he is ever so patient and kind and loving to me.
4) To become a better Muslim.
And last but not least, 5) to become a better person in general.
And here is to you, whatever it is that troubled you in 2016, leave it there. Whatever and whoever that made you unhappy, let them go no matter how hard it is. I promise you, better things are ahead. It's the new year and you have 363 days to create memories, go on adventures, discover new things, love more people and be happy. Even on days when you feel like the world is against you, just smile and count your blessings because there are others in this world that wish they have your life. If you are a Muslim, say alhamdulillah everyday because you are alive and if that's not enough to be happy about then I don't know what is.
Have a magical year ahead.
Love,
Haziqah.
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