2020

Hello, hello.

Two years - it has been two years since my last post. I'll be honest, I forgot I even had this blog. Alas, here we are again, two years later. Am I about to start blogging again? I don't know. Most probably not. I realised after a while, it takes a lot of effort to keep a blog active and interesting for readers. It was just not for me. So this post will be a very quick update and will probably the last post before I private all of my other posts. Maybe even the blog itself. And since I am taking a little break and needed a distraction from writing the critical essay for my fiction short stories, why not?

I went through some of my older posts and cringed. At least 90% of my posts were about love and relationships. I was really an emotional sod when I was in my late teens, wasn't I? People say, age is just a number but I do think it contributes such a big factor to a person's way of thinking and how they feel. Because I can say now, at 23, I am a lot calmer than I was even just a year ago. I worry less about the things that are out of my control. I let go of the things that pain me, easily now. And if it doesn't benefit me in any way, I don't get myself involve in it all. So, I do suppose I was an emotional wreck because I was a lot younger. But I don't think it's a bad thing at all. It just means I have a lot of feelings. Yes, present tense because those feelings are still very much there, just more contained. Lol.

But even I can't deny, reading back the things that I used to write and posted on the internet for anyone to read kind of sends a shiver down my spine (and not in a good way). I don't regret any of it though. At one point, as I was writing them, it became a coping mechanism for me. And it was also a way where I could practice my writing. And thanks to the countless of heartbreak posts and self-motivation, I think I am a much better writer now. 

So, updates. I don't suppose I have much to update, since my absence of two years probably caused me to lose any active readers (if I had any) I had then. But for the sake of procrastinating and greeting an old friend (yes, I do see this blog as a friend. I've had it since I was 14. Imagine that, 9 years it's been! 10 soon, since I'll be turning 24 in July), allow me to entertain you a little bit with what's happened to me in the last two years.

For one thing, I am no longer an undergraduate student. I graduated from uni and got my degree last year, in July 2019. It wasn't the easiest journey, but hey, look at me now. I managed to graduate with a 2:1 and it still shocks me till this day. I genuinely wonder how I did it, but somehow I did. God is great. I was a hot mess during my final year. I had a lot of problems with the flat that my brother and I rented. We had problems with the landlord to which we had to move out and searched for a new flat. Everything happened within the same couple of months before my final submission dates. It stressed me out so much, I remembered going to bed crying almost every night for two weeks.

I wasn't having the grandest of time, if I'm being honest. It was one of the point in my life where I wanted to give everything up. But, with hardships come ease and I'm glad I persevered. If I hadn't, I would've wasted three years for nothing. If I gave up, I wouldn't be doing my masters right now. Oh yes, I am currently finishing my masters. I have about a month until the final deadline of my assessments and about three months until my dissertation is due. I'll be honest, I'm not having the grandest of time right now either. But again, with hardships come ease and if I did it once, I can damn well do it again. Here's hoping for the best, lol.

As you are well aware, I have been writing stories for years. So naturally, the course I took for my master was in creative writing. And here I am now, trying my hardest to become a professional and legitimate writer. This journey hasn't been easy either, but then again, nothing great is easily achievable. The first term of my postgraduate started in September 2019 and that was one of the most difficult beginnings I have ever experienced. But again, God heard my cries and every single time He pulled me out and saved me. I can't even imagine what I would be doing now had I lost myself.  Had I allow myself to indulge in the self-pity and pain, I inflicted on myself. Not literally though, don't worry. I'd never do anything to hurt myself physically. I'm a bit of a narcissist for that lol. Everything will work out in due time, and everything has worked out for me thus far. You only ever need to just work hard at it and leave the rest to God. The rest of my motto for 2020 is to let go, and let God.

In case you were wondering too, I ended my three year relationship with my ex two years ago. I don't want to go into too much details because it happened a while ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since. I'm in a much better and happier place now and everything really does happen for a reason, lol. I'm glad things didn't work out- it was just never meant to be. I dated again after, a couple of times but none of which really worked out. I'm unbothered by it, if I'm honest. Ever since the new decade began, none of the worries I had at 19-22 bother me as much anymore. The only thing I worry about now are my family, getting a job after my masters and working on myself. Whatever and whoever that comes along the way, will come. And if they choose to stay, they will. If they choose to leave, then oh well. I will thank them and we will go our separate ways. It only took me 10 years to realise and accept this, lol. But better late than never.

Okay now. I have taken too much time from finishing my work and I should get back to it. I hope you stay safe, especially during this global pandemic. Take extra care of yourself and one day, shall I decide to come back on this blog then I will. If I don't then, this will be my final post.

Thank you. Whoever you may be, for always reading and never judging. Even if you did, thank you anyway. 

Haziqah x