2020

Hello, hello.

Two years - it has been two years since my last post. I'll be honest, I forgot I even had this blog. Alas, here we are again, two years later. Am I about to start blogging again? I don't know. Most probably not. I realised after a while, it takes a lot of effort to keep a blog active and interesting for readers. It was just not for me. So this post will be a very quick update and will probably the last post before I private all of my other posts. Maybe even the blog itself. And since I am taking a little break and needed a distraction from writing the critical essay for my fiction short stories, why not?

I went through some of my older posts and cringed. At least 90% of my posts were about love and relationships. I was really an emotional sod when I was in my late teens, wasn't I? People say, age is just a number but I do think it contributes such a big factor to a person's way of thinking and how they feel. Because I can say now, at 23, I am a lot calmer than I was even just a year ago. I worry less about the things that are out of my control. I let go of the things that pain me, easily now. And if it doesn't benefit me in any way, I don't get myself involve in it all. So, I do suppose I was an emotional wreck because I was a lot younger. But I don't think it's a bad thing at all. It just means I have a lot of feelings. Yes, present tense because those feelings are still very much there, just more contained. Lol.

But even I can't deny, reading back the things that I used to write and posted on the internet for anyone to read kind of sends a shiver down my spine (and not in a good way). I don't regret any of it though. At one point, as I was writing them, it became a coping mechanism for me. And it was also a way where I could practice my writing. And thanks to the countless of heartbreak posts and self-motivation, I think I am a much better writer now. 

So, updates. I don't suppose I have much to update, since my absence of two years probably caused me to lose any active readers (if I had any) I had then. But for the sake of procrastinating and greeting an old friend (yes, I do see this blog as a friend. I've had it since I was 14. Imagine that, 9 years it's been! 10 soon, since I'll be turning 24 in July), allow me to entertain you a little bit with what's happened to me in the last two years.

For one thing, I am no longer an undergraduate student. I graduated from uni and got my degree last year, in July 2019. It wasn't the easiest journey, but hey, look at me now. I managed to graduate with a 2:1 and it still shocks me till this day. I genuinely wonder how I did it, but somehow I did. God is great. I was a hot mess during my final year. I had a lot of problems with the flat that my brother and I rented. We had problems with the landlord to which we had to move out and searched for a new flat. Everything happened within the same couple of months before my final submission dates. It stressed me out so much, I remembered going to bed crying almost every night for two weeks.

I wasn't having the grandest of time, if I'm being honest. It was one of the point in my life where I wanted to give everything up. But, with hardships come ease and I'm glad I persevered. If I hadn't, I would've wasted three years for nothing. If I gave up, I wouldn't be doing my masters right now. Oh yes, I am currently finishing my masters. I have about a month until the final deadline of my assessments and about three months until my dissertation is due. I'll be honest, I'm not having the grandest of time right now either. But again, with hardships come ease and if I did it once, I can damn well do it again. Here's hoping for the best, lol.

As you are well aware, I have been writing stories for years. So naturally, the course I took for my master was in creative writing. And here I am now, trying my hardest to become a professional and legitimate writer. This journey hasn't been easy either, but then again, nothing great is easily achievable. The first term of my postgraduate started in September 2019 and that was one of the most difficult beginnings I have ever experienced. But again, God heard my cries and every single time He pulled me out and saved me. I can't even imagine what I would be doing now had I lost myself.  Had I allow myself to indulge in the self-pity and pain, I inflicted on myself. Not literally though, don't worry. I'd never do anything to hurt myself physically. I'm a bit of a narcissist for that lol. Everything will work out in due time, and everything has worked out for me thus far. You only ever need to just work hard at it and leave the rest to God. The rest of my motto for 2020 is to let go, and let God.

In case you were wondering too, I ended my three year relationship with my ex two years ago. I don't want to go into too much details because it happened a while ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since. I'm in a much better and happier place now and everything really does happen for a reason, lol. I'm glad things didn't work out- it was just never meant to be. I dated again after, a couple of times but none of which really worked out. I'm unbothered by it, if I'm honest. Ever since the new decade began, none of the worries I had at 19-22 bother me as much anymore. The only thing I worry about now are my family, getting a job after my masters and working on myself. Whatever and whoever that comes along the way, will come. And if they choose to stay, they will. If they choose to leave, then oh well. I will thank them and we will go our separate ways. It only took me 10 years to realise and accept this, lol. But better late than never.

Okay now. I have taken too much time from finishing my work and I should get back to it. I hope you stay safe, especially during this global pandemic. Take extra care of yourself and one day, shall I decide to come back on this blog then I will. If I don't then, this will be my final post.

Thank you. Whoever you may be, for always reading and never judging. Even if you did, thank you anyway. 

Haziqah x

A Song For You: Untitled, 2014 - Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon)

When it comes to music, I don't have a preferred genre. I listen to pretty much every genre and yes, even the heavy metal, hardcore music where you can't really understand the lyrics because they are basically just screaming. No hate there, I used to actually enjoy it. These days though, it's just not my cup of tea anymore. If there is a favourite, I would say acoustic, maybe? I do love me a good R'n'B but nothing beats the sound of an instrument accompanied by a heavenly voice.

This is going to be a rather short post, but I wanted to write and share it with you anyways. As you know, I am a fan of anything Korean. Fashion, beauty, dramas, music. I was thinking of making this 'A Song For You' as a sort of 'series' (I guess is what you can call it?) where I update my current favourite songs from time to time.

As you can probably tell from the title, it is a song by G-Dragon. If you don't know who he is, he is a Korean rapper/singer/producer/songwriter and leader of a KPOP idol group, BigBang. They're pretty famous actually. A little back story, I never used to like KPOP, let alone enjoy it. I've always known who BigBang was but never got into it and this was circa 2007, 2008? My brother however was obsessed with them. Dare I say he even fangirled over G-Dragon.

Now though, I bloody love it even though I'm a decade too late. As much as I love BTOB, BigBang has slowly sneak their way inside my heart for the past couple of weeks.  Especially a beautiful man, who goes by G-Dragon. I'm sort of catching up with all the years I missed out on but 12 years seems a little bit too much so I decided to focus on recent years.

He released a solo album and one of the tracks, titled 'Untitled, 2014' (ironic huh?) and it just gets to me. It's all I've been listening to and I just wanted to share it with you, hoping that you'll love it as much as I do.

My Skincare Regime

Two words: hydration and moisture.

When it comes to skincare, I like to give it a fair shot before I give my opinions about it. I would say I am a skincare junkie - I might even have a bit of a problem if I'm completely honest but let's just pretend that everything is fine. A few months back, I mentioned that I was going to write a skincare routine but never got round to it. Well you're in for a treat because in today's post I will walk you through with the products that I use on an everyday basis for my face.

Drinking a lot of water and getting a good 8 hours of sleep as well as taking care of your diet and lifestyle plays a big role to having smooth porcelain skin but skincare plays a big role in it too. I am not much of a health freak (I should really exercise more if I'm honest) but I do drink a lot of water  daily and I attempt to get more than a couple of hours sleep. My skin really isn't that bad - I rarely get any blemishes and there aren't any visible scars but hey, nothing lasts forever so it's better to be safe than sorry, right?

Before I start, I'd like to make a quick note that I only have 6 steps that I take every single day/night. Okay sometimes I use the Innisfree Jeju Sparkling Mineral Mist just to refresh my face but that doesn't count, right? And these steps doesn't include any exfoliating and masking - maybe I'll write that in a different post. It's not all that crazy, right? *laughs nervously* Okay, okay.. so maybe it's a little excessive but I personally think it's really calming. I enjoy slathering my face with an abundance of moisture and hydration. I used to never have a skincare routine, it was just a facial cleanser and moisturiser and that was it but as time goes by, I wanted to try something new and here we are now.

1. CLEANSER. This is a must for me, I can never go a day with just splashing water on my face. I don't care how late or tired I am - I must at the very least cleanse my face and for the past few months, I've really been enjoying the Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser. I've mentioned this in my Glossier Favourites but it is just a soothing, gentle face wash. It doesn't burn or sting my skin and its consistency is as the name suggests, a jelly. It smells of faint roses and I love how soft and clean my face feels after each wash. I'm even on my second bottle now!

2. TONER. The second step of my routine is toning - I used to use a toner but then I stopped and I revisited that road and now I cannot live without it. I use the Kiehl's Calendula Herbal Extract Alcohol Free Toner and it's brilliant! Especially for my skin where I get oily on my nose and forehead and dry on the perimeters of my face. I find that it doesn't clog up any pores and controls the oil but doesn't dry my skin which is all I ever want in a product.

3. ESSENCE. Now this next step I've only recently added to my routine because 1) the more the better, duh! and 2) we all know the crazy 10 steps Korean skincare routine that recently caught everyone's attention, so I had to try it for myself. After toning, I apply an essence and I use the Innisfree Jeju Lava Seawater Deep Essence. I call it, 'pre-moisturising' because it's lighter than an actual moisturiser and it just adds another layer of hydration which hey, no complaints there.

              

4. MOISTURISER. Need I say more? I use the Innisfree Green Tea Balancing Cream as my night moisturiser because I like a heavier cream based consistency at night, so when I wake up in the morning my skin feels extra soft and hydrated. I am a little extra when it comes to moisturising so for day time use, I use my Chanel Hydra Gel Creme. Not much to say about it really - I prefer a gel based moisturiser for day time use because it won't be as oily and heavy on my skin but still gives hydration and nourishment for my skin. The only downside to this is it is VERY bloody expensive. You can definitely use a different moisturiser and it'll work just fine, I just find that this one works really well for me.

5. EYE SERUM. Just like the essence, I never used to use any eye serums or eye creams but seeing as how I am always on my laptop/phone/iPad and my usual bed time is past midnight (facepalms), I had to give my eyes the extra love that it deserves. My mum actually got this as a part of a gift set but she is pretty loyal to Estee Lauder so she gave this next product to me. The L'Occitane Immortelle Divine Eyes Ultimate Youth Cream is a great way to give some life back to my dead, raccoon  looking eyes. Again, say it with me - it is hydrating and very light under the eyes. The only downside of this product is IT. IS. SO. BLOODY. EXPENSIVE. Will I purchase it for myself once I'm on my last drop? I guess we'll have to see.

6. EYE CREAM. The final step to my skincare routine is eye cream. As mentioned in my Sunday Splurge post (which by the way is one of my popular post, so thank you!), I use the Kiehl's Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado and again it's ahmazing! Ever since I started using it, my dark circles are less visible and it's so creamy and moisturising. One of the best thing I purchased in 2017! And, I use this religiously but I still have a lot of it left. A little really does go a long way with this product. Bloody love it.

Ready For Another Year

New adventures awaits us! Let's make everyday count, you lot!

By the time you read this, it would have already been the 1st of January 2018 and I just had to write the obligatory 'New Year's' post. Before I start though, I do apologise for being MIA for the past few weeks. If you must know, I have been lounging in my bed with countless amount of paracetamols and cough syrups, feeling absolutely sorry for myself.

I wanted to post something but I was just not feeling particularly well and quite honestly not myself. I feel much better now, though still battling with the cough and flu but nothing can stop me from writing about the things that I've achieve in 2017 and what I hope to achieve in 2018. 

This is going to be a fairly long post so bare with me. A lot of things happened in 2017 and we cannot deny that it went by so fast. I feel like I blinked and here I am writing this on the very last day of 2017. Out of the many events that happened, the first thing that I can proudly say I've achieved this year is that I managed to get through my first year - halfway through my second now! - of uni without any problems. Though my results for first year wasn't as great as I wanted it to be, I'm just glad I didn't fail anything. I can also proudly say that I am still working at the same place with the same people. There was many times where I really wanted to quit but I preserved and I'm glad I did. I learned so much from working at a hotel and in the marketing department, though it can be very tiring both mentally and physically, I'm grateful for the job anyway.

Another thing that I'm kind of proud of myself which I don't think this is an achievement to anyone but it is to me and that is I've been *attempting* to wear makeup - if you can probably tell, this year. I used to be one of those girls who find makeup a bother -  I still think it is on days where I have to take my wudhu - but I quite enjoy it now. Though I was greedy at the start of the year but I think I'm over that phase now. I found products that work well for me so hopefully for the coming year, I won't spend anymore unless I am completely out of it.

I'd like to think my biggest achievement for 2017 was that I became a more positive person. There were so many times that I fell, constantly losing battles against myself but I got back up and thought to myself that there are so many people out there who have far less than I. So many people who wish they could have a quarter of the things that I have and just like that, I think more positively about everything. It's not easy though but I do wish to keep this up for years and years to come - if I make it that far.

As a whole, that pretty much summed up the things that I was proud of in the year 2017. Though I can ramble on and on about specific memories, I don't think there is anything else is worth mentioning if I'm honest so I'm going to quickly write about the things I hope to achieve in 2018. 

The first thing I would love to achieve in 2018 is to help as many people as I possibly can. And this isn't just something that is for the new year but is something that I, we should do every day. There has been so many devastating news of nature, suffering, political issues and differences everywhere, I thought why not give all that I can and to the best of my abilities to help those in need? It may not change the world, but it may make a difference in one's life. I don't know who said or wrote this but there is this quote that goes, "The world is full of good people. If you can't find one, be one" and I just try to live by my life like that, every day. 

I would also like to make a difference. This is quite vast, as I'm not sure yet what kind of difference I would like to make but I hope when I do, I will do it for myself and it will be for the better. 

I'd also like to bloody read more books. For someone who calls herself an aspiring writer, I don't read as many books as you think I would. For starters though, I'd really like to start and finish A Thousand Splendid Suns. 

Spend less money on things I absolutely do not need. Now this may be a hard one but I have come to a conclusion that I'm not getting any younger (I'm turning 22 in July! Bloody hell) and I need to save up. This will be my biggest challenge yet but hey, if other people can do it, so can I. And so I shall!

Another thing that I really want to improve on is my iman (faith) because lately I've been feeling pretty weak, which I feel absolutely horrible about. Yes, I am well aware that this isn't something you can just achieve within a few weeks or maybe throughout the whole year, but I thought I'd just put it out there. It's just something that I struggle with everyday - most days I win, other days unfortunately, as strong as I may perceive, I am defeated.

I would also like to invest more on this blog. Maybe pick a better layout? Maybe post more than once a week? Maybe start an open discussion on a specific topic? I don't know what it is yet but I'll figure it out in time. But hey, if you have any suggestions, feel free to comment something down below. 

And lastly, I would very much like to live my year (and everyday for the rest of my life for that matter) with no regrets and focus on the positive things, even on bad days; especially on bad days. I mean you never know when your last day is going to be so it's best to just live happily. New adventures are ahead and I am quite ready for it.

I guess that is all that I have for now but hopefully in time I'll know better of what to do. I'd also like to thank you for sticking with me this far. I don't know how I still have people reading my blog (it might be the fact that I literally post a link to my blog everywhere) but thank you for being here anyway. And I hope that you'll be good to yourself throughout the whole year and to remind yourself  that whenever you find yourself feeling weak and vulnerable, you'll be okay. Just keep moving forward. I promise you better days are ahead.

Happy New Year!

With love,
Haziqah.