Trusts and doubts.

When in doubts, I often think of the worst scenario. I think of all the bad and negative thoughts, and those thoughts literally destroy me sometimes. It hurts, and I blame others for the pain but when I actually think about it, I'm hurting myself. The over thinking kills, and I just wish I can stop it.

That's when things start to get all funny and rocky, when I have doubts. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself from thinking about it. I've been trying though, trying my best not to. It only works when I think of all the good things in life, of all the good times that I've ever had and of all the good times that I will experience in the future. It doesn't work all the time, but when it does it helps me get through it.

One of the things in life I think that's worth holding on to is when you finally think of something like, "I am never letting that go. No matter how shit or fucked up it gets," and that's when you know, when I know that something is worth holding on to. That's when I think of you, and for someone who always think of the worst, I think that you are worth holding on to. It doesn't make sense, I am hurt in so many ways but the hurt is beautiful in a way. It's a pain worth going through. He is a pain that is worth going through.

I expect things too, of course but maybe my expectations are too high. I can't blame myself for this though, not on this one. I've never been good at relationships, so I expect a lot though I never really get all of those expectations. Doesn't stop me from loving him though.. I wish I know what I want, and what I'm doing. In time, I know I will fuck things up, I just wish he won't give things up because I know I won't. Not this time.

I think of all the great things that will come later on in my life, all the adventures and I want to be able to share it with him. It's never wrong to hope for the best, I am not going to give up. Things will be better soon. I'm sure it will. I know it will.

It has to be okay.