There are just so many things I'd wish to say, and so many things I wish I didn't. When it comes to love, I become weak, fragile. I never quite understand what it feels like being in love, until I know you, for the second time. I thank God for giving us a second - maybe more - chance of being together, but sometimes I wonder if we ever deserved those chances. Or rather, if I deserved it.
These days, all I seem to be doing is shedding tears every night before falling fast asleep, sometimes I think it's become like a routine to me. Some nights I have reasons to cry, others I don't. I don't know why, love is very unpredictable, and so is the future. I just wish I have a glimpse of how my future is going to turn out like. Just a glimpse, even for a millisecond. 2012 has taught me the most about everything; love, friendship, lost, family, happiness, sadness and most of all, myself. I always discuss the same things over and over again, until sometimes I don't even know why I talk about it, but I just do. Never have I thought about falling deep in love with someone, and the first time I did, that didn't work out. God gave me another chance at love, and I'm grateful.
Being the person I am now, isn't what I had in mind. I'm lost, somewhere along the way to discover who I really am. We all need to discover who we really are, because at the end of the day, that's how people are going to accept us. I'm not fond of sharing what I really feel on a social networking site, but I guess I just need someone to hear me out.
The things are cliche, but I guess life is. I give people advises, never to give in, never to chase someone, show that you're desperate for them for their love, but for some reason, that specific advise I give out, I don't exactly listen to it myself. I've never actually showed that I'm desperate for a person's love publicly, I mean tell the entire world that I can't live without that one particular person, but somehow I managed to show it to the person himself, and to a few others who I trust. And for this very reason, I feel ashamed, and embarrassed. I've let them see how weak I really am, and I don't like that. I just wish I understand how I feel, or what I feel sometimes. It'll sure help me in the future. I've never really understood what it feels like being cared for by someone else, by someone who I care about.
I just hate how I let sadness overwhelm me, I hate how I let love take control of me, I hate how much I love him. I hate how I fell for him, I hate the fact that most of the precious memories I've built in my life were shared with him, I hate how I'm always uncertain of how he feels but most of all, I hate the fact that I'll always hold on to this, because I still have hope - even the tiniest of hope - that he and I will work out just as we promised each other.
Sometimes that's all we ever need, is a little bit of hope. I'm making zero sense.
I love you iqah. And I'll always have your back.
ReplyDeleteI love you too, and you know I'm always there for you. No matter what.
ReplyDelete