Loneliness- Part 21

"Everything's fine now," I smiled at Annie on a Sunday morning with two mugs of hot coffees on the table. She sat opposite me in her robe and her blonde hair loose over he shoulders taking a sip of the hot coffee. She nodded and gave me a smile; that sort of smile that either means you're sad or sympathetic. I couldn't really tell which but I didn't want to ask her why or what was wrong because I know her, she doesn't like explaining things. Just like me. "I know you must think that I'm not happy, but I am. Even when I'm not, I'm grateful because you're the best Mom." I smiled sadly at her and she put her mug on the table and bent over from across the table and hugged me.

"You called me mom," she chuckled which was combined with a sniffle. I nodded and she hugged me tighter. "How about, we go shopping today and have a little 'mom and daughter day'. Or 'Annie and Jenny day. Whichever you prefer," her mood suddenly lit up which made me happy. I never liked seeing Annie sad because whenever she's sad, I get sad and I don't like that. I put both thumbs up and giggled along with Annie's excitement. To be completely honest, I haven't been spending time with her as much anymore. Probably because of Freddie; he's a great guy but because I've been spending so much time with him, I don't have time for my best friend.

I took a quick shower, put on a clean black skinny jeans, long sleeve white shirt and a black VANS. I put on fresh eyeliner and mascara on and combed my hair. Quickly, I took my bag and made my way downstairs where Annie have already waited for me in her white and blue stripe blouse, and her 'good' jeans. Even though she's been married to Bob for about 12 years, she still looked like my sister rather than a mother. "Looking nice Anne!" I wolf whistled and she twirled around as if she was in a ballroom wearing a really nice big puffy dress. "So, where should we go today?" I said and linked my arms with hers as soon as we stepped out of the door and locked it.

"Hm, how about that new mall downtown? I heard it just opened and they're making sales on everything because well it's new," Annie said full with enthusiasm.

"Sounds great, why are we still here then? Let's go!" I pulled her to the car and I asked Annie if I could drive and she said yes even though I haven't fully got my drivers license yet.

"Sure, why not? What harm could it get?" Annie said and hand me over the keys. I started the engine and squealed with excitement. As I pressed the pedal and the car started to move, Annie put on her glasses and squealed. The sun was up, birds flying above us, little children laughing on the side of the road as I was driving slowly. "Come on, drive a little faster, I'm gonna be 80 by the time we get there!" she joked because I was cautious and didn't want to cause any accident. I can drive but I can't really consider myself as a 'world-class-driver' since I didn't really have my driving license yet.

"Annie please, just let me drive. You're supposed to be guiding me, not making me feel bad!" I told her and looked out for any car before I turn right the roundabout. Cautiously, I took a right and then left. Because of my carelessness of forgetting to turn on my light signal, a car beeped angrily from behind which almost hit the back of Annie's red Chevy. "Sorry!" I yelled out from the driver's seat and waved apologetically. Annie took her glasses off, turned her back and laughed. "Jesus that was close."

"You forgot to turn on the light signal," she said suddenly sounding serious. I rolled my eyes and scoffed. Returning my eyes on the road, I made another right and fortunately the road was just straight afterwards. I found a good parking space not so far away from the entrance door and the first store that Annie dragged me to was an old antique store. It looked quite old to be in the same shopping mall that had just been open.

"This store looks quite old Anne," I said as we went in through the old wooden glass door. The bell jingle as we entered and an old man who look roughly around 70-80 years old greeted us. Well, he did more than greeted; Annie ran over to him like a child and gave the old man a sincere hug. I just stood there, eyes wide open not knowing what to do. They asked each other how they were doing like they were long lost relatives. Maybe they are.

"Peter, this is Jenny. She's grown so much since you last saw her," Annie said with a hint of excitement in her voice. I nodded and gave 'Peter' a warm smile. He smiled back at me trembling to even do a such a simple thing. He shivered towards me and gave me a warm hug and a kiss on the cheeks. I was surprised of course because I don't know this man. Annie chuckled and she support Peter.

"Y-you look so different now," Peter said sitting down behind the counter. The store pretty much looked like any other antique store in the world with wooden furnitures, grandfather clocks, stand up mirrors and all the other gadgets. My head wandered somewhere else until Annie called me name repeatedly.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was admiring your store," I said sheepishly. He nodded and chuckled gruffly. "I don't mean to be rude or anything by asking this but, how come you know me and I don't know you?" I asked shyly not wanting to upset anyone.

Peter chuckled heartily, "It's understandable. You use to come here all the time with Annie and your mother when you were little. Back then, this old store wasn't so old."

"The last time you visited him was when you were five. And with everything that's going on in your life right now, I'd be surprise if you still remember." Annie teased me which quite frankly made me feel bad about it. I chuckled reluctantly and went to the side of the store to explore more if it. It feels like I was in the Victorian times with all these antique devices. There's this music box that really caught my eye and for a second, I remembered an old memory vaguely.

I pushed the little button in the middle of the box and a tiny ballerina popped up slowly twirling to the tinkling melody. The box was pink and it has got little hearts on it with soft pink laces inside. The memory seemed to be more clear in my head now; the soft jingle playing in loops and the ballerina twirling. "Annie, did I use to have a similar musical box to this?" I peeked my head towards her and Peter showing her the pink box. They both looked at each other simultaneously like they had just committed crime. I raised my eyebrows confusingly, becoming more curious as they whispered to each other debating whether to tell me or not.

Peter got up from his chair and walked over to me helplessly taking the musical box out of my hand. He pushed the ballerina back in the box and closed it. "This, this was your mother's." He breathe sadly.

"Mom's?" I asked, puzzled. He nodded and looked at me with those pale green eyes and trembling lips. "How?"

"Her dad bought it for her and Bob kept it until she was gone for almost a month," he definitely sounded sad now. I could hear his voice cracked. "He sold it to us because.." a single tear fell from his left eye. I didn't know who this man was, maybe I do know him or knew him, I wasn't sure but when I saw him shed a single tear, it hit me. He took a long, deep breath, "he sold it to us because he didn't want you to know about it."

What it? About what? What happened to mom? Why doesn't Bob want me to know? All these questions jumbled up in my head like a puzzle I can't solve. I didn't know why I didn't just say it out loud but even if I did, there was no real possible answer anyone could've given me. I didn't know what to ask or do because by now his crinkly eyes were red and I felt like crying as well. "What'd you mean dad sold it? What didn't he want me to know?" I asked not out of curiosity but because I think I needed to know about this matter. It seemed too important for me not to care.

"She died when you were so young, he didn't want you to feel sad about it." Annie answered Peter for me.

"Why? I know why she died, because she was sick. Right Anne?" I raised my eyebrows confusingly. "Right?"

"Yes, she died because she was sick. But," Peter answered her for me now which was getting a little bit annoying to me.

"But?"

"She actually was sick a long time ago. Even before you were born," Annie said softly. It's like they took turns of what to say, both out of guilt which I had no idea why. "None of us told you because it was too painful for us let alone for you."

"But why did dad sold this?" I asked, curios now of why he sold it.

"I guess, he just didn't want you to be reminded that your mom fought for cancer for years before she married your dad. She didn't have a good childhood and I guess he didn't want to be reminded of it. I guess he didn't want you to have the same childhood."

None of it seems to make sense to me and I don't know why I just found about all this things now. This matter was never mentioned to me until now which upset me. They both didn't seem to look like they want to explain anything anymore; their facial expressions tell me that I should ask Bob instead. We went home in silence, this wasn't the 'daughter-and-mom-day' that I was expecting. We didn't even buy anything and the whole car ride were just awkward and in silence. I just wish I know what this was all about but my head was completely jumbled up and I didn't know what to say at all.