Loneliness. - Part 19

Happy Belated Birthday Vwarhe Sodje (pronounced as Y-ra Sod-jay). As promised, this chapter would be dedicated to you and you have been nothing but a great friend to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-6S1mGAS3Y + http://www.rainymood.com/ (if you want to know what song that I love and would love to hear Logan Lerman play, it's this song. The title sort of contradicted this part but you'll understand what I'm trying to do. Play it with the rain simultaneously and it's perfect.)

The smooth, soft notes travelled into my ear and I couldn't help but got myself hypnotized by Freddie's magic fingers. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was absolutely captivated by him; everyone else was in a trance and the auditorium was completely still. Each and every note played was like an angel playing the harp from heaven above and you could hear a pin drop. It was that amazing. I didn't know what the piece was called of course, because I wasn't very fond of piano pieces before but after hearing this maginificent piece, I fell completely in love with it.

After he finished, everyone stood up and applauded him and I too, was applauding and had this overwhelming feeling of proud towards him. He bowed and went over to sit at one of the special places set for the performers. After the whole concerto was over, Freddie ran over to me and hugged me really tightly like we haven't seen each other for years.

"So, what'd you think of it?" he asked, nervous.

"It was amazing." I replied because that was the only word to describe it: amazing. He sighed in relief and kissed me in front of everyone in the packed auditorium. Ben and Rose came over whooping and they both hugged in him turn. "Was that an original or what?" I asked intrigued to find out the name of the song.

"It's a piece by Yiruma. He's a Korean pianist and I love his pieces; each and every one of them has it's own story behind it and it's just amazing." he grinned proudly.

"What's the name of the song?" I asked.

"Love Hurts. I'll tell you why afterwards but now I want you guys to meet me outside okay. I gotta go to the dressing room and take something for a bit."

Me, Ben and Rose made our way outside and to the car park and the sun was slowly setting in and it looked really beautiful and calm. Because Ben is older than any of us, he got a car and I asked Annie's permission to have dinner outside with them and she said okay. It has been about ten minutes so I decided to go and check Freddie in his dressing room.

I made my way in again and asked the janitor who worked there for directions. "Just turn left," he said. And I did, I made my way there and just as I turned left, my heart crushed into pieces. Tears fell from my eyes, I couldn't help but cry. Seeing the only person you've ever loved kissed someone else really felt like someone stabbed you right in the heart. I stood there like a statue and my whole body went numbed. I couldn't feel a thing; I didn't feel upset, nor angry, nor anything, I was numb. I couldn't feel anything at all, mentally and physically. All I felt was the tiny little pieces of my heart breaking.

"Jenny," he said pushing Tara away from him and came closer to me. I stepped back and shook my head causing my tears to fall like raindrops. I sniffed and walked way sobbing softly. "Jenny! Wait, please," he said running behind me pulling my arm behind and hugged me. I was still sobbing, I didn't know what to do.

"No!" I yelled pushing him away and more tears fell down my cheeks. "No," my voice trembled with sadness. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I had tried to get rid of over the past 17 years of my life. "Just, no." I said looking at him in such hurt and dissapointment and I walked away.

"Jenny! Jenny, please wait! It isn't what you think!" He yelled desperately trying to get my attention. I stopped and turn around; his face was pale white, he looked even sadder than I was. "She kissed me, I didn't know, Jenny, I-I-I, it wasn't me, Jenny I'm sorry!" he stuttered and then burst into tears. "Please, I don't want to lose you. I love you."

"I love you too," I mumbled. "No! No! Freddie, you can't just do that to me and expect me to fall down on my knees and just forgive you! No!" I yelled and I was crying harder this time.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"No! Sorry can't fix everything. Do you know how hard it was for me not to love someone or to let myself attach to anyone?! This is the reason why Freddie! I.. I can't, no!" I cried and ran away as fast as I can. As soon as I stepped outside the door, Ben and Rose's face were stunned and they looked worried. I looked at them and tears just kept flooding through my eyelids and I ran. I didn't know where I was going, I just ran.

"Jenny!" Freddie's voice called from a distance and I just didn't stop running. The problem with me is that whenever there's problems, I run away from it. If it's one thing I'm good at is: running away, from everything. "Jenny!" he sobbed from a distance desperately. I just kept on running until the background voices fade away and until I ran out of tears. But that was it; I cry too much sometimes I feel like I don't have any tears left but I always do.

I didn't know where I was but I recognized the place by memory. The signs and the lake haunt me by memory; it wasn't very vivid, it was all just a blur in my head. Probably because I've been running and crying too much, I couldn't even think straight. All I wanted to do was sit in one corner and cry. After a few seconds of pulling myself together, I remembered that I was at the lake where Freddie first kissed me. I cried even harder now that I remembered. I sat down by the tree not far from the lake and cried there. The only light was the moon and I could hear crickets chirping in through the night.

I wasn't sure what the time was but that was the least of my concern. To be honest, I didn't know what I was feeling. I was surrounded with Loneliness once again. I hoped for someone to come and find me and bring me home but as expected, no one did. I had my phone with me but I switched it off and block the world out. Everything was just too much for me to bear. I cried the whole night under the old tree near the lake and I could hear nothing but the soft sound of my sob and the crickets chirping depressingly. "Why? Why is it always me? Why can't I be happy for once?" I muttered to myself. I knock my head on the tree bark repeatedly and it hurt but that was it. I want it to hurt. I wanted to feel something else than despair, sadness and loneliness.

I woke up a few hours later at the same place. I thought I had dreamt it all but I didn't. It all actually happened. I sniffed and gained all the strength I had and made my way home. As I was walking pass Freddie's house, everything was so quiet because it was still so early in the morning. My eyes twitched and I could feel the tears coming again so I quicken my pace and when I reached my doorstep, I found Freddie sitting by the door sleeping. I licked my dry lips and a single tear drop deluged from my left eye and I sighed heavily. He looked worried even in his sleep and I stared at him when he mumbled, 'Jenny please come home. I love you. I'm sorry. Let me explain.' I took a deep breath and mastered all the courage I had and woke him up.

He woke up stunned to see me and his eyes were swollen. It looks as if he was crying the whole night too. "I love you." He said. That was the first thing that he said and then he hugged me. He hugged me so tightly that I burst out into tears again. I could feel his sincerity and his love towards me and I could feel how sorry he was and it wasn't his fault. And that was that. We stayed there for hours until Bob and Annie came out about three to four hours later. And that was it.