I want to feel at ease for once, not thinking about any problems in the world, not thinking about all the pain and thoughts that's been eating me up from the inside. It's gotten so bad I can sometimes actually feel something munching in my body; biting ever so fiercely from my stomach to my heart and to my brain. I don't even know the definition of peace anymore and it saddens me so much. Not even when I write anymore, I'm uninspired all the time, the words that I've been dying to utter can't seem to come out.
Simple things are now made into something complicated, and I wonder why or how it happened. It's barely a year but it feels longer than that already. I sometimes think that none of it is worth it anymore. I mean ever since I came back, nothing's been better. I've changed drastically and it made me into someone I don't like. I'm pretty sure I've said this about a million times before but I can't help but repeat myself, I just don't like myself and what I've become.
It's really sad being around people who leave you out of everything just because of your age, they forget about you just because you're far away from all of them. You're friends with each other and you aren't supposed to do that. Friends don't leave each other, they wait. Friend's don't forget each other, they remind each other of why they are friends. Friends love, they care, they enjoy life together. That's what "friendship" means don't it?
I'm not so sure anymore, this may sound cliche but I do want a chance to go far away again. Explore a new country, meet new people. I'm going through a phase right now, where I need new faces in my life. It's not even the fact that I'm bored of them, it's just that.. Maybe some new faces will do me good. Maybe a new place will ease my mind. I need to get out of here.
I just wish I knew where I want to go.
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