Feelings.

Has anyone ever felt like they're not being themselves? It's like, you know who you really are but at one point you feel confused about who you really are, and you start asking questions about it. It's like you're lost, somewhere. It's like you do something and then you say to yourself "Hey, that's not right. This is not me, why am I doing this?" that feeling is completely normal right? I'm sure a lot of people experienced this kind of feeling before right? It's so sad when I get that feeling, it's like I don't know who I am and I start thinking whether I'm real or not, or whether anything is real. I always get that feeling of uncertainty; I'm uncertain whether I really exist or not, or whether the world really exist or not. I just sometimes think that nothing is real you know. Sometimes I even choose to believe it. It's a really weird feeling, it's scary sometimes too. I'm actually really happy with how everything is going on right now, emotionally. But I still can't help but feel as if I'm lost. I feel like I'm not here, I don't feel belonged, I don't feel like a part of this world at all. I'm a part of something, somewhere, I'm just not sure where or what. I really wish I'd find myself again.

Nonetheless, I feel great and inspired. I've been getting good vibes from myself, I'm filled with this really positive energy and I like it a lot. I smile a lot these past few days, and I really have no one else to thank but God (Allah) & this really wonderful, amazing person. I still feel lost but this person is making me feel like he's looking out for me, trying to find me and get me back. I've never actually felt this way, not even when I was with Abbas or Andrew whom I claimed to love very much. I've never actually understood how I feel about them.. I was certain what I felt towards them was something called love but now I'm not sure anymore. Maybe it wasn't love at all, maybe it was just desperation. Desperate of being wanted, of being needed by someone and vice versa. But right now, I feel great. I don't feel like this time I'd lose this person, because he makes me feel protected in every way. Maybe I should delete past posts about what I said about my so called previous "love". I feel disgusted and disappointed thinking back about it. This person makes me feel good about myself, to accept and to learn about the past, to be grateful, to work hard, to be brave. No one has ever made me felt this way before, you know, brave and confident. I thank God for introducing this person in my life. I'm slowly finding myself again, become the person back in January. I set a new year's resolution for myself and for a couple of months I followed it and then stopped but now I actually really want to be a better person. For myself, for my family, for my cousin, for my friends and most importantly for this person.

I don't know man, I feel accepted, I always feel this way whenever I talk to my cousin but now I feel accepted whenever I'm with the person. It's actually something new to me, and it's great.