(A little view on my new story, I'm hoping to get it published as a book. I still need a title so if anyone's lovely, do give me an idea.)

PART 1

December 5 1990

It has only been five days since we’ve stepped into a new month. It's all merry and everyone's excited for the big day: Christmas. I wish I could be as excited as everyone else. "20 days left till Christmas!" Mom squealed excitedly and she ran across the room with a box of Christmas decorations in her arms. My sister, Jessica, was helping her hanging the decorations on the Christmas tree and they both jumped up and down in joy like two little children on Christmas morning. By now you can realize how important Christmas was to my family as I have been repeating the word ‘Christmas’ for more than twice. The snow was falling gently outside and everything was covered in it; my dad's car, the little shack's roof where dad put all of his gardening equipment in at the back garden, my mom's flower pots, the sidewalk just outside the front door and the whole neighbourhood.

Dad threw a few blocks of logs into the fireplace and lit it up using a match. The red, orangey colour of the fire fascinated me as it sparks up the fireplace. He then threw a couple more logs to make the fire last longer, well until he had to put more logs in there and he sat on ‘his’ chair opposite me reading yesterday’s newspaper. Being the youngest in the family isn't as fun especially when they look at you as nothing more than a child. 15 isn't that young, is it? I guess it is to them. I wish for Rachel to be here with me. She always knew how to make me laugh, or to make anyone laugh. She could make the best out of any situation. "Come here Craig, help me with the decorations," Mom said from across the couch that I was sitting. I smiled reluctantly and crawled over to her. "Here," she said softly as she handed me one of those red balls and I hung it on the tree.

"Freak," my sister said under her breath and chuckled. She thought I didn't hear her, but I did. I looked at her and frowned. Dad put a record on the player and it played classic Christmas songs to make it seem merrier. But that was it; nothing was really merry or happy. Everyone was just pretending that it was, but it wasn't. Nothing was. I sat there in silence and the only sound that was coherent was the sound of the fire crackling and soft lyrics from the record player. It looked pretty, the fire I meant. ‘Santa Claus is coming to town....’ the record played. Mom hummed along with the song while placing more decorations on the tree. It has the red and silver baubles, red and white candy cane, and other Christmas ornaments hanged on to the tree like how people decorate them on TV.

Of course it looked really festive and nice but it wasn’t really fascinating. Well, it didn’t really fascinate me. “Honey, I’m tired, I’ll be going to bed first,” Dad said folding his newspapers, got up, rubbed his eyes, stretched and left the room. “Goodnight children.” He went up the stairs and the fire was still crackling like the sound of crumbling papers. “Goodnight.” Both my mom and sister greeted my dad as he went away. “Night.” I breathe. By now, mom has finished decorating the tree and she stood in front of the shelf where the radio was placed. She stopped the record player and turned the radio on. Humming along with the song, she lit up a cigarette and inhaled it so deeply it looked like she was going to finish it in one go. A long big sigh escaped from her mouth and her eyes look weary and sad. My sister was busy admiring the tree so she wasn’t really paying attention to mom. She formed her lips with the shape of an ‘o’ and blew the ghostly smoke.

“Are you okay mom?” I asked worriedly. She looked at me with those big green eyes and let out another sigh. Attempting to cover up the fact that she wasn’t happy, she wore a fake smile on her face. “Mom?” I asked again and by now I was sad. I never liked seeing my mom sad, she’s the closest person to me in my family and whenever she feels sad, I feel sad. I notice I stated the word ‘sad’ a lot but I just couldn’t put it in any other words. I supposed I could check the dictionary for some other word but I’ll just settle for the word ‘sad’. I’m not exaggerating by doing this, I am just emphasizing that I don’t come from a really ‘happy’ family. I don’t know why but it seems like every time there’s special occasions, there’s always something that happened or will happen. I hope nothing bad happens this year like last year, or the year before. Like last year, grandma and grandpa visited us and mom didn’t speak to them at all for their entire stay. I never knew why because they didn’t want me to get involve. Of course I was curious about it but its better if I stay out of it than make things worse.

The year before was worse; we visited my grandparents for Thanksgiving and at the kitchen table, during dinner, no one said a thing. It was just a big turkey with stuffing inside it, side dish and us around the table. No one said a word, no one coughed, no one laughed, and no one did anything other than eat. It saddens me to see a family with a really bad relationship with each other. Later on that night, I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up reading the old books grandpa gave me during his visit. I heard crying and mild yelling coming from my parents’ room and I heard mom cried. I wish that didn’t happen because I don’t like it when she cries. So I really hope that this year would be better. “I’m fine sweetheart, it’s getting late. Why don’t you both go to sleep?” she said. My sister left the mess right where they were and kissed my mom on the cheeks goodnight. Within 10 seconds, she vanished to her room and I got up still staring at my mom worriedly. “Honey, please go to bed. I’ve got a headache.” She said. I know she wants to be left alone but I wanted to stay and accompany her. “Honey, please.” She said again. I obeyed her and sauntered to my room even though I didn’t want to leave her on her own.

It was only 11 p.m. and I wasn’t sleepy yet so I decided to read some of the books that grandpa gave me last Thanksgiving. He love giving me lots of books to read and I enjoy reading them. He said it’ll help me improve my literacy. I love my grandpa. He teaches me things that dad won’t, like how to play cards, how to talk to girls, what books to read, how to play soccer and pretty much everything else that Dad was too busy to teach me. I don’t blame him though, he’s got a lot on his plate. I was reading ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ by J.D Salinger. I’ve only just read it and so far, I think it’s a good book. I shouldn’t really describe it in details yet because I haven’t got to the middle part or the ending yet, only the first two chapters. I sometimes think that life is like a book; once you’ve tell the story to someone, you have to continue it and can’t change anything back. I think that’s how my life is like.


19 days left till Christmas and I’ve never seen mom so excited before. Usually she would be excited but this time she was much more excited. I hope Christmas would be good this year, I really do. I don’t want to have another family gathering without anything to talk about. That’s not how a family should be, families should be laughing with each other, making jokes, discuss irrelevant things, gossip, annoy each other, love each other. Mom and Jessica went out for Christmas shopping and dad had to go to his office because of this ‘new project’ he’s been working on. I asked him what it was, not because I was interested or curious but because it would be impolite not to know what your dad does for a living. So anyway, he said that it was a surprise for me and Jessica so he didn’t tell me. I hate surprises; it can turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing, you never know what it is or what it will be like.

“It’s snowing really hard today, wear extra thick clothes if you decided to come and meet us at the mall okay,” Mom warned me before she made her way out the door. I wanted to buy nice presents for everyone but I lack the ideas and I really want to buy something special for Rachel. I wonder what she’ll give me again this year. I suppose I haven’t formally introduced Rachel; she’s my best friend. She’s one grade above me but that doesn’t stop her from being friends with a nerdy kid like me, which was one of the things I love about her. She’s always positive and happy; she’s really friendly as well. She comes from a fairly rich family but she doesn’t boast about it, which was another thing I like about her. Usually other kids would be boasting about their money and doesn’t seem to care about anything or anyone other than money. Life is much more than that, I just hope one day they can see it.

Rachel and I have been friends for a long time and she tells me everything. It’s amazing how a person can trust someone with their whole life; it makes me feel important. She makes me feel important. Last year she got me one of those knitted, woolly jumper with a reindeer on it. It was a nice black and red jumper. I wore it every single day of winter and I’m still wearing it now even though it has gone slightly smaller. Maybe my body was just growing, that’s why. The year before, she gave me a book called ‘The Remains of the Day’ by Kazuo Ishiguro which I absolutely loved. Aside from that, she also gave me a card that says: “Have a great Christmas Craig! I hope you’ll love this book as much as I did!” and I did. Loved the book I mean. Rachel goes away to her grandparents’ house in Manhattan every Christmas break which was really far away from Pittsburgh. She always does, she said it was a family tradition. I wonder if my family has got a tradition like that. Everyone else may not like it but if I did have a tradition, I’d probably be more than happy to oblige and contribute.

This year I decided to buy something nice for Rachel in return. I mean, I did buy something for her the previous years but it wasn’t as special as the things she gave me. I got her a flowery summer dress which she said she loved but I never see her wear it that much. It didn’t really felt ‘special’ when I gave her the dress. Last year I made a mix tape with all her favourite songs on it and she couldn’t stop smiling for a week. That made me happy, that made me really happy. I was thinking of doing the same thing again for this year but I also want to give her something else. I don’t know what to buy though because mom bought the dress and said that it would look nice on her so it wasn’t really from me but from my mom. So I guess that’s why it didn’t felt ‘special’ enough. I glanced outside the window pane and watch the snowflakes falling heavily. I didn’t want to bump into mom and Jessica at the mall because this time, I want to pick out the presents for everyone by myself. I put on a thick black winter coat, wrapped a big green scarf around my neck, blue gloves and I wore my blue hat to prevent my ears from getting cold.

I ran upstairs briefly to my room and grabbed however much money I had hid under my books. I’m not implying that I need to hide my money but I guess it’s just what people do. Because I do a lot of house work and summer jobs, I managed to save $200. I grabbed my bag pack with me as well. That was more than enough so I didn’t have to worry about asking mom or dad for money. The first present I want to buy was for mom. As I got out the door, my feet sank under the snow like a flood of water. Luckily I was wearing my boots so it didn’t wet my jeans. I shuddered and placed my hands in my pockets where my keys and money were. I tilted my head and gazed at the sky. A flake of snow touched my nose and my warm cheeks. Wiping the wet fluid on my face, I ambled slowly making my way to the mall. I lived just about 15 minutes away from the town so I reached out for any free cabs as quickly as possible.

I got in the cab as soon as it stopped and shuddered taking my hands out of my pockets and rubbed my arms rapidly. “Where to son?” the old cab driver asked me as I was settling in the seat.

“To the mall please,” I said without specific address or place because it was a fairly small town so there weren’t a lot of places to go to. He took off slowly and hummed along with the song that played on the radio. I rested my head on the warm back seat of the cab and smiled when the cab driver looked at me through his rear-view mirror. He had a thick moustache and wore a thick green plaid jacket. He wore one of those red French hats that looked like a beret.

“Meeting someone special on this cold day son?” he asked me.

“Huh? No, just want to buy some presents for my family and friend. That’s all,” I replied timidly.

“Ah, how wonderful. What are you planning on buying?” he asked again, sounding so interested in what I’m going to be doing in the next 10 minutes.

“I’m not sure yet. Maybe I know what to buy when I get there,” I replied honestly. He nodded and focused on the road until we reached my destination. I got out of the car, handed him a $5 bill and thanked him. “Merry Christmas,” I wished him.

“Merry Christmas!” the man replied cheerfully.

I examined my surroundings; families and couples getting in and out of the entrance mall; the ones getting out had no more less than two bags and the one coming in were giggling and having a chat. I made my way through the entrance mall and all the shops had ‘SALE’ poster glued to the windows. Everything was in red and white because of the festive season but I still wasn’t as excited. Everyone here seemed to be going in and out of different shops looking all happy but I couldn’t help but walk with my head down. Maybe I just didn’t like Christmas at all. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say I didn’t like the idea of it because I do, honestly. Maybe I just didn’t have anything to be happy or excited about. I looked everywhere for a suitable shop to go in but I didn’t know where to went. I just didn’t know what to do when it comes to buying things for others. I decided to just enter in whatever shop I found interesting so I went in a thrift store and scanned through it.

I took a basket before I went in and I saw this really nice blouse with flower patterns on it and I thought it would look great on mom. I want to buy something nice for her as she’s done everything for me. Then, another white cardigan caught my eye and I thought it would look really pretty on mom. I’d imagine her wear this cardigan on a spring morning and I’d imagine her wearing the blouse on a summer evening. I didn’t know which to choose so I took both of them just in case I decided to buy both because it would look nice if she wear it together. Afterwards, I thought about a present for Jessica. I didn’t know much about what Jessica like or dislike so I dug deep and try to remember what type of things she likes the most. With the blouse and cardigan on my arm, I saw this really cute blue sweater that I think would suit her a lot. It’s a simple, small blue woolly sweater. I didn’t know much about my sister because we don’t talk much but I know that she’ll love this so I took it before anyone else could grab it because there was only two left on the stand. One was pink and the other one was blue, I took the blue one because my sister doesn’t really like the colour pink. Then it was dad’s turn.

I knew exactly what to buy for him so I went to search for it in the same store. Who knew I’d find everything I need in one store? It was just my luck because I found exactly what I was looking for; an old ‘The Smiths’ record. I know he’d like this because dad enjoys listening to music while reading newspapers or a book. I took the record and smiled happily. I summed everything up before I pay and so far it’s only $30. Now, it’s time to find presents for grandma and grandpa. Grandma loves baking so luckily, I found different shape cutters in a set already wrapped beautifully in a red box. I put everything in the basket and I decided to buy grandpa something witty. I found this leather covered hip flask and thought it was the perfect present so I grabbed it before anyone could. After I finished my family’s presents, it was time for Rachel’s present.

Since I’m going to make her the same mix tape as I did last year, I don’t have to buy any discs or tape. I wandered around the store and one of the workers there approached me. She looked like she was about my age, or maybe Rachel’s age. “Hi, can I help you with anything?” she asked lively. I looked at her awkwardly and stuttered.

“Uh- uh, yes. I suppose you can help me.” I said.

She smiled sweetly, “what would you like to find?”

“I want to buy something nice for my best friend. I- I don’t know what she wants,” I answered shyly scratching the back of my head.

“What does she like?”

“Things.” I answered awkwardly. I was never comfortable when talking with girls, I often get scared and I stutter a lot. I remembered having this talk with grandpa. He said it was normal for a 15 year old adolescent so I shouldn’t worry. Grandpa’s the only person who treats me like an adult.

She giggled and took my hand. I gulped nervously and my cheeks were burning. Of course I didn’t know this girl, but she was beautiful. She has this long wavy brunette hair with vague freckles on her face. She has nice pale skin and beautiful green eyes. “Do you think she’d like this?” she showed me a picture frame that has ‘friends forever’ on it. It was nice but it’d be weird if I gave that to her. I shook my head and she put it back down on the shelf. “What about this?” she held a record of ‘The Beatles’ in front of her face. This time I chuckled no and felt less awkward. I could hear her giggle gently and she placed the record back on the rack. “How about you tell me some things of what she likes?” she asked me.

“Well, she likes a lot of things. Like anything that has to do with nature or music. But I’m already going to make her a mix tape with all her favourite songs on it so I don’t want to buy any record albums or anything.” I replied this stranger confidently for the first time in my life. She nodded understandingly and went over to the book aisle. The books looked used and old so I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to get Rachel an old used book. She returned with a book in her hand and handed it over to me.

“Here. It’s one of my favourite books, you should give it to her.” She smiled sweetly.

“What is it about?” I asked curious to find out.

“Read it first,” she said. “Anyway, I gotta go help at the storage, it was nice meeting you.” She said and held out her hand. I stared at it for a second and hesitated whether to shake it or leave it hanging. I don’t mean this in a mean way, I was nervous. I grabbed it and we move our hands up and down. She walked away and then I remembered what grandpa said to me: ‘if you ever talk to a random girl, don’t ever forget to ask her name.’ And so I did.

“Uh, excuse me!” I yelled and everyone’s eyes were on me. I licked my lips hesitantly and build up the courage to ask her name. She raised her eyebrows and smiled confusingly. “What’s-what’s your name?”

“I thought you were never going to ask me,” she said. My heart suddenly stopped, I didn’t know why. I didn’t know whether she was joking or being serious.

“Amber. My name’s Amber.” She smirked and then leave. I decided to buy the book so I made my way to the counter and paid for everything. I also bought two rolls of wrapping paper and ribbons. Today turned out pretty good, better than I expected anyway. I only spent around $70 dollars so I still have my balanced which was a good thing. I went to McDonalds and grabbed a burger with fries and coke and went home afterwards. I didn’t see my mom and sister anywhere which was a good thing as well. After my lunch, I made my way home and hid all the presents in my room. I thought that it might be too early if I wrapped the presents now and plus, I wanted to read the book Amber suggested to me before I give it to Rachel. I put the plastic bag in my bag pack

“Where’d you go?” Mom asked when I came home.

“To the mall, I was just scanning through some of the stores and grabbed some lunch.”

“Did you buy anything?” she asked looking at my back pack. I glanced over my shoulder and quickly returned my eyes to her and smiled.

“No,” I said shaking my head. I know I said I hate surprises but I wanted to give everyone their presents on Christmas morning and I want everyone to be happy and have something to talk about. She nodded and went back to do whatever she was doing before. I went upstairs to my room and opened my bag taking out the presents I just bought. I smiled at the cardigan and blouse I bought for my mom. I folded it nicely and place it on my bed. Then, I looked at the wool sweater I bought for my sister and I was confident that she might like it because it was nice and simple, just like her. Then I took out the baking set I bought for grandma and the hip flask for grandpa. “I hope they’ll like it,” I mumbled to myself.

Then finally I took out the book Amber had suggested for me to give to Rachel as a present. ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Brontë. She didn’t tell me what it was about so I have a chance to explore the book by myself. I decided to finish The Catcher in the Rye first before I move onto this book. I spend some time with mom and Jessica for the whole day. Dad’s going to be home late again because of his new project. He never lets us visit him at his workplace, maybe he was just too busy. I don’t think that I’d want to visit an office anyway, neither does my sister. I’m going to ask mom if I could go to Daniel’s house on Thursday. Daniel is one of my classmates and he lives just across the street. Other than Rachel, Daniel is my only other friend. I mean, I have classmates and schoolmate but they all think I’m weird. I don’t know why they think that, I was just being myself most of the time. Maybe that’s just it; maybe you have to be someone you’re not just to be like. I don’t like that; I just want to be myself. Thankfully, Rachel and Daniel accept me just the way I am. Though, Daniel often finds me a little too ‘depressing’ sometimes. I wish he didn’t think of me that way but I just let him. I don’t want to worry about things like that now. Tomorrow, I plan on starting the mix tape for Rachel and go back to the thrift store because I forgot to buy something for Daniel. I was pretty certain I got everyone a present until I got back home. I might see Amber again as well. I hope tomorrow will be a good day for me. I always hope for tomorrow to be a good day. I wish this feeling would stay. I feel a lot more happier and excited now.